My Rebellion, My Idols

I have always been amazed at the idolatry of the children of Israel throughout the Old Testament. I was sure I could never worship an idol. Until I discovered I had serious idolatry problems.

The prophet Isaiah repeatedly mocks them for carving idols to worship out of half a log, and cooking dinner with the other half.  How could anyone think that “god” could save them?

Yet God calls out our arrogance and rebellion and idolatry all together: Rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry (1 Samuel 15:23).

Recognizing Rebellion

Wow! I need to examine my rebellious tendencies. Is it permissible to stand against injustice?  Of course. Is it good to push the boundaries to reach a breakthrough?  Probably. Is it okay to break some rules for a higher purpose?  Sometimes. Is it right to say “no” to God, to choose my way over his way?  No.

Do we sometimes?  Yes. 

And He understands our struggles. But He gives us every reason not to rebel.  He proves over and over that our stubborn and rebellious choices are not only wrong, but foolish. And represent the idols in our minds and hearts.

How do I know the He understands? He is God.  He is good.  He knows, He cares and He is able.  He is a perfect blend of justice and mercy.  He loves me more than I can comprehend.  He is holy and He is grace.  And so much more.

Do I still rebel?  Sometimes. But fortunately life and experience have taught me well.  I totally believe that His way is ALWAYS better than my way.  And gratefully I usually—now--choose that way without a fight.

Recognizing Idols

The reality: Sometimes I thought I had to have something—a certain car, recognition I thought I deserved, other things--to be happy, or fulfilled, or satisfied. Those things sometimes became idols.

Idol as defined by God:  anything that is higher in our affections than God; whatever we think we must have to be happy; something that occupies the throne of our lives.

The primary idols of my heart? My own way, control of my life.

As I grew in my walk with God, I discovered this pattern in my conversations with God not infrequently: I would say: Lord, I must have “this”—something I wanted. .God would say:  Probably not, Judy.” Or “Not yet.” Or “Just surrender—you will find what you really want.”  

I am a slow learner.

When God called me to serve Him, my fiancé said “no.”  I said, “Lord, tell him.”  God said, “Judy, if you marry him, you won’t be able to do what I want you to do.”  Which do I choose: my way or God’s way.

I surrendered.  And I loved what God had for me to do.

When a man less qualified than I was given the job I thought would be mine, I said, “No, Lord. This is not right.” God said, “This is of me. It will be good.”

I surrendered.  And God used that man to teach me so much and prepare me for what else He had for me to do.

When the man I loved was in no hurry for marriage, I said, “Lord, either let us get married (my plan and a good one) or let this be over.”  God said, “No, stay.  You have much to learn about My way.”

I surrendered.  I did learn more about God’s good way. And that man was definitely worth waiting for.

When my first baby cried for months, I said, “Lord, I am no good as a mother.  And I will never be in control of my life again.” 

God said, “You are just right for his child, and she is just right for you.  For she will help you learn that your control of your life is not as good as Mine.”

I surrendered. And each day I learned more about choosing God’s way.

Choosing Surrender

I wish I could say that I stay surrendered.  That I keep my white flag waving always.  But my desire for my own way is deeply ingrained, so my Father continues—firmly, creatively, gently, lovingly—to pry my fingers loose from my grip on my life, calling me to let go, to trust Him, to surrender.

And when I once again say, “I must have this,” He says once more, “Judy, I have a better plan.”

And once again, I hopefully say, “I surrender.”

Though sometimes reluctantly or begrudgingly.  Sometimes with great sorrow or confusion.  Occasionally with anger and rebellious words.  Too often letting go of the same thing I must have over and over. But then it comes: I surrender.

Those examples are idols.  Yep.  Anything that I put higher in my affections than God becomes an idol.  Anything that I think I must have becomes an idol.

We know that God told us not to have any gods higher than him—that is, no idols.  Over and over in His Word He reminds us that He is El Elyon, the most high God.  He says these beautiful words to us:

“’To whom will you compare me?   Or who is my equal?’ Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens:  Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. (Isaiah 40:25-26)

Yet we are so like the children of Israel, constructing our own idols, pursuing what we think will satisfy or rescue. I know.

I’ve done this before.  My recidivism rate is pretty high.  Why do I want my own way so much?

Our most common idols are people. The people we love. For me, as with many who love a prodigal, our wanderers and their return--become idols.

Too often our prodigal was again up on the throne of my heart.  His becoming the man God made him to be was a good desire, but it had become an idol for me.

And once again I needed to take this thing “I must have” off the throne of my heart and put it on the altar as an offering to my God.  “Please, take Your rightful place.”

God said, “Let’s make a memorial, a remembrance, of this surrender which continues to be so hard for you. Take a piece of white paper—a white flag—and write on it the idol you are surrendering.”

I did that. I wrote my son’s name—and my desire for him to be all that I hoped he would—on that paper.

“Then offer the idol up to Me—a sacrifice of your heart, entrusting it to Me.  Set it on fire, burn it—a sweet incense offering. Then collect the ashes and place them in your alabaster urn.

“Keep it where you can see it,” the Lord said. “When you find yourself once more placing him or something or someone higher in your affections than your love for me, let it remind you of your white flag.”

Surrender.

Sometimes it still takes me a little while.  But oh the freedom when God is in His rightful place in my life—on the throne, in control.

And my idols?  Still important in my life.  But not an object of worship.

What about you? Are there idols to be surrendered?

C2022 Judy Douglass