Why Does God Always Test My Authenticity?

I should have known it would happen.  It almost always does.The problem with writing and speaking and teaching is that God seems to want to check me out:  Do I really believe this?  Do I live this way?So last week I wrote about “What I Do When Someone Hurts Me.”And Sunday night my husband and I taught at church on unselfishness and humility in relationships.So why am I surprised that today I got to live them both out together?  I suppose I should be grateful He combined them into one opportunity for me to know if I am being authentic—walking my talking.Someone who matters to me hurt me yesterday.  Today I went through all five of my actions to take when I am hurt.  One by one:1.  I told God my real feelings about it all.  No holding back.  Raw emotion.2.  I thanked Him--by faith--that He was in this situation.3.  I looked for some glimpses of good, and I actually found some—at least the potential for good.4.  I forgave the person who hurt me.  Not hard to do.5.  I spoke blessings over this loved one.  Also not hard.Then I realized that I—in my selfishness, my holding on, my grasping—was part of the problem.  I needed to humble myself, ask forgiveness and open my hand to the Lord, so He could give or take as He chooses.    So I did, rather reluctantly.All okay now?  No. Not yet.  But better.  It is a process, a journey.  Tears return.  God has tissues.  The open hand already wants to hold on tight.  God’s grace entreats me to  let go of my rights, my desires, my needs—and trust Him.People say I’m known for my realness.I guess God wants to hold me to that.What about you?  Has someone hurt you?  Are you holding on to that hurt?C2012 Judy Douglass