You Saw Me
I often look for worship songs on the internet as part of my time with Jesus. This morning I was singing along with a Hillsong oldie, “You Saw Me.” I was struck with the reality of being known by a God who Sees—El Roi. (Genesis 16:13)
My worship time evolved into a recounting of the many times I know God has seen me:
You saw me when I was being formed in my mother. You put together all that you desired me to be. You called me a work of art when I was born. Amazing!
You saw me in all my stubborn wanting my own way. And still You loved me as You slowly worked to pry open my fingers and loosen my grip on my control of my life.
You saw me in the depth of those junior high “I’m not good enough” days. You felt my pain and kept working to remind me that Your artistry is just right and so I was just right—much more than not good enough.
You saw me with bowed head as I surrendered my way in exchange for your way. Perhaps You laughed as I realized that the surrender was real and lasting, but the living it out would require daily decisions.
You saw me as I was graduating from college, reluctantly giving up the man I loved and a life-long dream to follow Your call to serve You. Once again You assured me that Your way was best—and You would walk with me on the given path.
You saw me loving my writing and editing responsibilities over those many years. Your plan stretched and grew me even as You revealed what it means to be doing what you were made to do! Thank You, Lord.
You saw me waiting--not so patiently—for this man to realize You had given us to each other. Repeatedly You said Your plan was better than mine, and that included waiting. He was so worth waiting for.
You saw me struggling to comfort my crying baby—for ongoing months. You saw my fear, my confusion, my loss of identity and sense of significance. You sustained me, gave me joy in the treasures of my children and opened doors to touch lives that I never could have imagined.
You saw me expanding my communication gift, used almost exclusively for writing, to embrace more and more speaking. And finding great joy in that, even saying as I was teaching/preaching/sharing truths You had worked into my life, “This is what You made me for.”
You saw me as I let You enlarge my vision for me and for all Your daughters. You smiled as I and my sisters around the world began to believe You to do more in and through us than we had ever asked or imagined.
You saw me as I increasingly grasped that You had made me to be a spiritual arsonist. In writing, in speaking, in one-to-one conversations, over lunch and across the internet You called me to “start fires in hearts and minds.”
You saw me at each of these significant points in my life—as well as in every detail over these 70 years You have given me. In the joys and relationships, in the successes and failures, in the pain and losses, through the hopes and dreams—always You are watching me.
But You don’t just see me. You know. You get it. You know when I’m afraid or confused. You see my trembling steps of faith. You see my tears and understand my broken heart. You watch my anger and my compassion. You rejoice when I trust and as I take a stand. You see it all.
And there you are, offering, providing whatever You see I need: love, mercy, courage, hope, wisdom, creativity, comfort, perseverance, faith, joy, a friend.
You see me because You are right there with me.
What about you? When has God seen you?
C2014 Judy Douglass