4 Ways to Trust and Follow Jesus as You Date by Margot Starbuck
I first met Margot Starbuck—long before I actually met her—when I read her adoption story in The Girl in the Orange Dress. I was touched by her painful story, her honesty and her humor in the journey. Now she has birthed a new book based on her latest journey, again filled with honesty, humor and lots of help: The Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating. It offers women practical tools to navigate online dating, helps women notice what they’re bringing from their past to the dating journey, and offers encouragement and support. I’m delighted to welcome Margot to Kindling, and to invite you to a special online party. (Details below).
If you’d told me a decade ago that I’d be dating as a 51-year-old, I would not have believed you! Not only did I not do a whole lot of dating during the more “typical” dating seasons—in my teens and twenties—ten years ago I was happily married, raising three kids.
But life happened.
The lives of a lot of women I love—mine included—haven’t turned out the way we thought they might. And for those of us single ladies who are interested in being not-single, one way to meet men we wouldn’t have otherwise had the opportunity to know is to do online dating.
I know, I know, the thought of it makes some of us cringe. But what I want Christian women to hear is that if dating is the path we’re walking in this season, then that is exactly the place where we’re invited we trust and follow Jesus.
1. Ask for the Spirit’s Discernment
I’m convinced that God is with us as we’re writing our dating profiles, scrolling through men’s profiles, and even deciding whether or not to respond to a message we’ve received. One of the prayers that’s been helpful to me is, “Lord, in this moment is it more faithful for me to move forward, to step back, or to stay put.” God longs to lead us. And by tipping our eyes and ears toward Jesus, we give God access to our hearts.
2. Love Men
When we’ve got our minds set on finding the great love of our lives, we might forget the more simple daily mandate to love our neighbor. And that includes men we meet who aren’t “the one.” One woman who met a man whose relationship with his father was broken shared about the forgiveness and reconciliation she’d experienced in relation to her own dad. Another friend of mine met a man online who’d been divorced. When she recognized the grief he felt over not grand-parenting together with the mother of his children, she encouraged him to seek reconciliation with his ex-wife, and they got back together! Practice loving your neighbor well on this road.
3. Love Women
I have been blessed by having single and married girlfriends on this journey who have been my support squad through the joys and pains of this season. And I’ve purposed to be that kind of friend to other women who are dating, as well. Whether that means helping a friend set up a dating profile, offering TLC when she gets ghosted, or praying with her in the wake of a larger loss, we are called to love other women who are dating.
4. Rest in Your Irrefutable Belovedness
If you’re dating, or considering dating, you don’t do it as someone who’s searching for a love that will finally complete you. The fact that you are already God’s beloved means that you are inherently worth loving. I hope that doesn’t sound like a trite reassurance. It’s not! Before you date, while you’re dating, and after you finish dating, you are already loved beyond measure.
Single sister, I encourage you to commit your dating journey to the Lord and expect Jesus to love you and lead you.
If you’ve read this blog by Thursday August 11, 2020, I hope you’ll join my friends and me for Girls Night In! It’s an online hour of fun where we’ll dish about dating, meet some amazing guests, and I’ll even do some standup comedy about dating.
RSVP HERE: www.margotstarbuck.com/invite
And I welcome you to learn more about the book, and buy one for yourself or a friend, at www.grownwomansguide.com!
Margot Starbuck, is the author of the Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating. A graduate of Westmont College and Princeton Theological Seminary, Margot is a New York Times bestselling writer. She’s written over twenty books and has touched over a hundred major publishing projects as author, writer, collaborator, editor, and coach. She delights in serving writers seeking publication at wordmelon.com. Margot lives in Durham, North Carolina, in a neighborhood built around friends with disabilities. Learn more at www.MargotStarbuck.com.