Reprise: When Life Gets Scary by Michelle Essary
From Judy: My daughter’s family has experienced some frightening events recently—including a recent school shooting. She writes about these with wisdom and faith. She wrote this last May, but we think it is true right now.
From Michelle: When things feel outside of our control we often feel anxiety creep, or sometimes race, into our lives. Trying to control what is outside of our power to control is inevitably stress producing and doesn’t solve anything. What we ruminate on begins to impact our mental, emotional, and physiological responses. I keep going back to the same principles over and over. I hope my words from last May can meet you again in a time that feels a little scary and out of control in the world. Today, again, I choose to focus on what I have to be grateful for.
As I sit here and watch my six-year-old son work out his emotions on the wall in front of me I am struck with joy and gratitude.
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In less than a year I have come face to face twice with the reality that I am not promised beyond the moment I have with my kids; or in general. In June our family was in a car accident where we all had a moment we weren’t certain our youngest son was still alive.
Yesterday, I sat in my car in front of my son’s school and watched it become surrounded by police, heard loud bangs, listened to the loudspeaker repeat “Lock, Lights, Out of Sight” for what felt like hours as police and SWAT broke into the side doors and ran around toting assault rifles. I was only a short distance from the window of my son’s classroom, but was powerless to do anything to determine if he was okay or to keep him safe.
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As a mental health professional I know all the “right” things to do. I made the choices I could: to breathe, to settle my nervous system as much as I could, to believe in both instances that everything was going to be okay, waiting to be proven wrong, not the other way around.
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Still, in both cases, I was scared. Terrified.
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Since my boys arrived on the scene I have been constantly reminded that I do not have the power to keep them safe, happy or healthy all the time. I can live in a safe area, I can drive a safe car, I can try to make sure my kids don’t run in parking lots, or jump from tall buildings, or that they always wear helmets when they bike.
The bottom line though: I don’t know how many breaths I have yet to breathe, or how many my kids have. I have to let go of the illusion that I can somehow control them or the world around them into a place of perfect safety or absence of all fear.
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Because of my faith I take great comfort in giving my fear and pain to God to hold instead of me. When things are beyond me I rest in peace that passes my understanding.
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So, today, I sit here grateful that for this moment I have the opportunity to be grateful for so much!
What about you? What has helped you in a scary time?
Michelle is a Professional Counselor who currently lives in the Birmingham, AL area with her husband, two boys and hound dog.
