We Are All Prodigals

When I met Jesus, we sort of signed a contract.

 At least I did, in my mind.

 All my life up till then, the most important desire of my life was to have my own way. My parents, my sisters, my friends all experienced the fallout of that—if I did not get my own way.

 But Jesus said on that night many years ago, “If you say yes to me, I will forgive your sins and show you My better way for your life.”

 Startled, I replied, “You have a better way for my life than I do?”

 He said yes, and I said, “I choose your way.”

 I thought it was settled. From now on, it would be God’s way, not mine.”

 Until the next morning when things did not go my way. I resisted.  And my new Lord whispered, “My way is better.”

Set me free

Jesus stepped into my life to set me free from “my own way.” He plucked me out of a wrong crowd of friends. He grew love in my heart for my sister. He helped me to be more obedient to my parents. He put compassion in my heart.

That was the beginning of understanding what a prodigal I was. I didn’t know that word yet. And I was just beginning to understand that my demanding my way had a lot to do with Jesus dying on the cross. That He loved me so deeply that He was willing to pay the price for my rebellion and “wanting my own way”—to set me free from my prodigalness.

 I am so grateful.

 But I am still a prodigal.

 I’ve just released a book called When You Love a Prodigal: 90 Days of Grace for the Wilderness. I relate the story of the boy God sent to us from a difficult situation. As he grew, so did his searching for “his own way.” Soon “prodigal” was the word most people would assign to him. He fit the definition.

God did wonderful work in my life to learn to love unconditionally, to give mercy, to extend amazing grace, to never give up, to pray without ceasing for this son.

I am still a prodigal

 But one of our son’s greatest gifts to me was to open my eyes to the many ways I was still a prodigal.

 No, my sins—my choosing my own way—were not so public, so grievous, so bad to anyone watching. Or to me. But I could recognize the complaining, the judging, the whining as the same old thing—wanting my own way.

 Yet living day after day in the flooding love of God for our son, immersed in His mercy and astonished at His grace, my eyes, my heart, my mind increasingly comprehended my own prodigalness, and that, though more polite than my son’s, it was still an affront to His holiness, His perfection and His sacrifice for me.

 And now, I know I won’t outgrow my prodigalness until I see Jesus face to face. But I bow in gratitude that He keeps working, gently loosening my grip on “my way.” He whispers reminders to let go, to trust Him, to rest in His grace, to believe His love will not fail.

 What about you? In what ways are you still a prodigal?

 C2019 Judy Douglass

 Go deeper in loving a prodigal, or recognizing your own prodigal nature in my devotional book When You Love a Prodigal: 90 Days of Grace for the Wilderness. It is available wherever you buy books—in softcover, ebook and audio book.