A Call to Courage by Connie Jakab
My friend Connie Jakab is a versatile woman. From Calgary, Alberta, Canada, she taught Hip Hop to students for years. Her son’s challenges changed her life and led to her just released book, Bring Them Closer. This post is an excerpt from her book.
Today’s culture celebrates significance. One of our greatest mistakes as humans is to think that our significance comes from others: being around the “right” people, receiving affirmation, needing to be seen as someone important. Being the perfect parent, or having a marriage without struggle.
We need to get real. We need to let go of unrealistic expectations. We need to lay down our need to be important. What if you lived like you already had significance? What would be different for you?
People reveal our heart wounds. A heart wound causes us to speak from our woundedness rather speak life to others. Heart wounds distort our perception and cloud our vision to see things the way they really are.
This results in misreading situations and not understanding what people are really trying to communicate. Heart wounds happen when what we believe about ourselves and what others impose on us is different. We don’t know how to navigate this tension. We either push people away, putting up a fortress around our heart, or we allow people to walk all over us, then only making us resent them.
Do you ever find yourself wondering where you fit? There are times I feel I fit and I can move around my environment in comfort. Other times, I feel intimidated and shrink back in fear. Ever feel like that?
Don’t make yourself small just to fit. It’s time to not fit in. It’s time to find your unique voice. It’s time to do what you do best. It’s time for you to think about what impact you make when you’re not fitting in. Do you dare? What would you do if you weren't intimidated?
Is that a scary thought? Very. Is it lonely? Sometimes. Does it feel vulnerable? Yes. Don’t be afraid of resistance. Nothing develops depth and capacity in our lives more than resistance. We must let go of striving on our own and surrender to the purpose in our lives.
The beauty it brings is worth it because it empties us of ourselves and brings what may have looked desirable to its true light. Success is not the same as purpose. Being around the “right” people is empty. Find beauty in things you love and that love you back. The temptation in today’s culture is to look good without actually being good.
Self-criticism is death. Self-esteem is not how good you feel about yourself but the independence you choose to have from the evaluations you impose on yourself and the from the judgments of others. If you don’t enjoy yourself, you will end up rejecting yourself and will offer this rejected-self to the world around you.
Remind yourself you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing. The other day, my youngest was having a rough day so I took him by the arms, held him up and had him look me in the eyes while I said, “Stand tall. You are loved.” As soon as I said that, his head dropped. This reminded me of how much we all need to hear, “Stand tall. You are loved.”
I’m calling you to courage:
Courage to tell your story.
Courage to know that our stories can be rewritten.
Connie Jakab is the owner of The Brave Parent Institute and the Senior Manager of Wellness Innovate--two companies that are all about changing home and work environments for mental health. She is also the author of Bring Them Closer and two other books. Connie is passionate about rebelling against status quo living and encouraging others to branch out. She is also the Director of National Hope Talks and the Hope Movement, combatting mental health in Canada. She is a sought-out speaker for her raw honestly and humor. Connie drives her passion outward into the arms of those wanting something more radical and meaningful in life. She lives with her husband and two boys in Calgary, Alberta Canada. She can be found on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @conniejakab, and at conniejakab.com.
Connie pulled together six writers who also have experience with various form of mental health challenges for a seminar: Navigating the Unexpected. It’s a powerful presentation of stories and real-life help. You can watch it here.
Link to order Connie’s book here: