Their Needs and Your Needs

Parenting is exhausting. Loving a prodigal will be even more exhausting.

If they are under 18 and at home, they require vigilant attention to help them learn responsibility, do their school work, keep order at home, don’t spend their lives on screens. You have to get them so many places: School, sports, clubs, doctors, friends, social events. Of course, those things are true for all children. Most parents can feel the weariness.

If they are 18 or older, the dynamic changes. You have less control. If they are home, you still have to supervise their home responsibilities and often be part of various activities. If they don’t live at home, you often don’t know what is going on in their lives.

But if your child, whatever age, is a prodigal, your weariness multiplies. Emotional energy can be more draining than physical energy. Financial requirements for medical needs, counseling, rehab take a toll. Disapproval of family and friends can create shame. Loss, confusion, anger, fear: these wear you down. 

Yet you love them. You will do almost anything to help, encourage, rescue them. You desire to maintain or recapture relationship, to meet their needs, to keep them safe.

What you are doing is loving and good and even noble.

But the price you are paying may be too much.

Sometimes the sacrifice will be necessary. But most often we must each also take care of ourselves. When we are exhausted and drained, we probably don’t make wise decisions, we let things slide, we neglect other family members, we get sick, we live with fear and anxiety…. Probably you have been there.

Here are a few thoughts on meeting your needs in this hard journey:

Make every effort to get enough sleep.

Ask a trustworthy family or friends to keep your kids so you can get away for a break. 

Say “yes” when you can, but say “no” when you must. 

Find a trusted friend who will listen and encourage and pray. (A lifesaver for me.) 

Get outside. Go for a run, or a long walk.

Find your place of peace and rest go there as often as you can. 

See a counselor.

Care for your health with healthful eating and exercise you enjoy.

Spend time with God. Pray. Thank Him. Ask for wisdom, strength, peace—whatever you need.

I also suggest you spend some time at https://www.hopeforhurtingparents.com/blog/. It is a helpful resource.

My prayer for you is that you will take care of yourself even as you seek to care for your loved wanderer.

P.S. If your loved one is in some kind of addiction, I encourage you to check out A Prayer for Orion by Katherine James. It is a powerful, beautifully written story about addiction and hope.

What about you? How do you meet your needs?

c2020 Judy Douglass

This post was first sent to the Prayer for Prodigals online community. If you would like to request prayer for a prodigal loved one or join our community, write to me at prayerforprodigals @ gmail.com.